This checklist is useful for identifying various factors that may be contributing to conflicts with your spouse. In our novel, Pre-Fall Marriage God’s Original Will, we help Jack and Caroline work through each of these issues.
Is it us, or is it the daily pressures of life draining us?
Has our observing ego been condemning us?
Did one of us react rather than respond?
How do we want this disagreement to end?
How do we want our day or evening to go?
Have we fallen back into the power struggle?
Should we call a timeout?
Is our pride trying to “win” or “follow our agreed upon rules of engagement?”
Do we need to take turns talking and mirroring?
Are our fears or anxieties driving our behavior?
Are mental, medical, physical, or hormonal issues contributing to the conflict?
Does one or both of us need physical connection?
Is one of us really mad at or about something else?
Does this conflict involve our unique expressions of the image of Jesus?
Is this a recurring issue or pattern that needs healing and growth?
Have we lost trust in each other?
Is one of our core childhood wounds involved?
Have we had enough personal time?
Do we see each other as the enemy?
Am I being a good steward of my spouse?
Does one or both of us need time and space to think?
Is one of us trying to be a fixer for the other?
Are we asking meaningful questions and waiting for answers?
Is either of us caught up in trying to be perfect?
Is this about a valid unmet need or desire?
Is one of us trying to rule over or control the other?
Is one of our strengths perceived as threatening by the other?
Are we taking a stand for what is right and godly?
Has one of us fallen and needs help?
Are we committed to making our marriage better as part of our heavenward call?
Has our observing ego been condemning us?
Did one of us react rather than respond?
How do we want this disagreement to end?
How do we want our day or evening to go?
Have we fallen back into the power struggle?
Should we call a timeout?
Is our pride trying to “win” or “follow our agreed upon rules of engagement?”
Do we need to take turns talking and mirroring?
Are our fears or anxieties driving our behavior?
Are mental, medical, physical, or hormonal issues contributing to the conflict?
Does one or both of us need physical connection?
Is one of us really mad at or about something else?
Does this conflict involve our unique expressions of the image of Jesus?
Is this a recurring issue or pattern that needs healing and growth?
Have we lost trust in each other?
Is one of our core childhood wounds involved?
Have we had enough personal time?
Do we see each other as the enemy?
Am I being a good steward of my spouse?
Does one or both of us need time and space to think?
Is one of us trying to be a fixer for the other?
Are we asking meaningful questions and waiting for answers?
Is either of us caught up in trying to be perfect?
Is this about a valid unmet need or desire?
Is one of us trying to rule over or control the other?
Is one of our strengths perceived as threatening by the other?
Are we taking a stand for what is right and godly?
Has one of us fallen and needs help?
Are we committed to making our marriage better as part of our heavenward call?