God made his original will for Adam and Eve’s relationship clear when He said,
26 …“Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:26-27)
The “mankind” to which God referred was Adam and Eve, and they together were given rule “over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Adam’s rule over Eve came only after the Fall when Satan injected his will into the Garden, causing God to speak to them in Genesis 3:16. ‘”To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”’
The beauty, love, and power that was built into Adam and Eve as the image of the “us” who were present with God at creation became distorted into a struggle for power in the presence of pain. What happened to God’s original will for marriage?
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus offered what has become known as the Lord’s Prayer.” 9 “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, When Jesus said in verse 10, “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” we think He meant this literally. But, that raises the question, “What is God’s heavenly will for an earthly marriage?” We believe that God’s heavenly will for an earthly marriage is to build it on a Pre-Fall foundation where spouses are once again coequal in their created image of God. This stands in direct contrast to those who advocate building a marriage on the fallen rubble of first century Roman culture where a wife was the property of her husband. A problem arises, however, in that there isn’t a lot recorded in Scripture about the rules and behaviors that Adam and Eve were to live by in their Pre-Fall marriage. And, why would there be? They knew all they needed to know, and what they knew was all good. They were without sin because of their lack of knowledge about good and evil. They had no selfish desires, unmet needs, fears, wounds, defenses, or assumptions. Today, such is not the case for Christians and their marriages. Even though people become a new creation when they accept Jesus as their Savior, God retains their old brain. This brain has a mind that includes finely tuned time-tested rules, behaviors, and instincts for survival. These instincts are near-instantaneous in their reaction time, and are driven by past and present wounds, defenses, and assumptions. A transformation of this mind and these instincts is needed. God wants our desires purified, needs met, fears confronted, wounds healed, defenses removed, and assumptions challenged. He wants our instincts reexamined, our rules rewritten, and our behaviors redirected so we can walk in wisdom, love, self-discipline, and power. (2 Timothy 1:7). In fact, God’s will is the same for all of us in that He wants to conform each of us into our own unique image of Jesus. (Romans 8:29) One of the tools God uses to bring about this conformation is a marriage relationship. To that end, we believe a primary purpose of marriage is healing and growth, and that one spouse’s desires and needs can be signals for areas in which God wants the other to grow. It is by this growth that those desires and needs can be met. This begins with both people offering themselves to God as a living sacrifice. 12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1,2) Many people go to God’s altar to pray for what is on their mind, and when finished, leave and work hard at bringing about what they desire. In essence, they ask God to bless their efforts the way rain blesses a farmer’s efforts. This is not what Romans 12:1-2 is urging. God wants us to climb up onto His altar and offer ourselves as a living sacrifice. This is the kind of worship that pleases Him. It allows Him to address the ways we have been conformed to this world, and it allows Him to transform us by renewing our mind. God does not want us working for Him, rather, He wants to work through us. This does not take away our freedom and responsibility, rather, it frees us to respond to God as our loving Father without feeling like we have a harsh taskmaster ruling over us. When God works through us as we rest in Him, we arise with love, strength, and power. When our mind is transformed, we are confident in what he wants us to do, and are not pulled in countless directions. So where is the specific guidance found in the Bible for spouses who want to build a Pre-Fall marriage? It is the same guidance that Scripture offers on how we as Christians should interact with one another and those around us. We believe God wants husbands to treat their wives at least as well and even better than they treat anyone else, and He wants wives to do the same with their husbands. Therefore, Scriptures that say we should love our enemies (Luke 6:27) could be appended with, “… and love your spouse with the same love and even more than what I am commanding you to have for your enemies.” Scriptures that say we should speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), could be appended with, “… and speak the truth to your spouse with the same love and even more than you should have for a fellow believer.” This means that specific guidance for a Pre-Fall marriage is found throughout Scripture.
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10 your kingdom come, your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’ (Matthew 6:9-13)Close